Digging our Autonomous Graves by Amu

This world is all about giving and receiving.
It need not matter whether we give first
and take later.
Or take first,
and give later.
Sooner or later, the balance must be met.
All life forms, all biochemical and physiological processes
require some form,
some con-form-ity to giving and taking.

All for everyone
and nothing for ourselves.

So why do we strive to not con-form?
What formation do we obtain when we separate ourselves
from the inevitable cycles of life?
You exchanged, you respected, and you explained
your needs, your soul, and your intentions.
But you took.

What sets you apart from the rest of them?
You asked.
You shared a piece of yourself, a piece of your time and humility
in exchange for a piece of her goodness.
She, a being who most walk past without even a glance,
was granted a moment to get to know you.
In your soul you received permission,
and she companionship.

Without knowing it, you opened my eyes.

You can only con-form
if you have form.
You cannot strive to surpass limits,
if you cannot go past the limits of your own comfort.
You cannot sell-out without buying back.
There is absolutely no moment within our existence
where we don’t engage in this exchange.

Today I stopped.
I walked and breathed in the fresh air
I sat down in the dirt and talked to the most
exquisite being possible.
And I followed you.
I con-formed.
I grabbed her by the stalk, and asked her for permission.
She wanted to help guide me, and I remembered the lesson
that you silently laid upon me:
I left her friends with a part of me.
It wasn’t until that moment that I was able to smell the world around me.
It wasn’t until I saw her smiling at me,
that I realized that

We must give all to everyone
and nothing for ourselves.

I serve
You serve
We all serve

Those who work so hard tending these beings,
those who make this place a beautiful place to be
are not served.

I know you want to serve,
and I admire how you respect every being on this earth.
I just hope that you too can respect the unrespectable.
I want to learn how to respect even those that have forgotten.
All for everyone,
even those who con-form.

I do not come up with ideas without a reason.
I follow my heart, and I absorb with my mind.
We may fail.
We may hurt.
But we may gain so much more.

It isn’t until we are in an uncomfortable setting
that we begin to realize how little form we have.
That is the most satisfyingly chaotic feeling to encompass.
You never get anywhere by being comfortable.

Why am I doing this, you ask?
Why am I willing to con-form to some degree?
Because I want to make people uncomfortable.
But in order for me to do so, we must make ourselves uncomfortable.

I do not stay true to who I am,
because I know not what form I encompass.
I am not meant to,
and neither are you.

I seek of you to help me,
to walk besides me,
and to let me pluck you out of your comfort zone.
There is something in the air, and we must follow it.

All for everyone
and nothing for ourselves.


About UCSC Critical Race and Ethnic Studies (CRES)

This blog is maintained by students throughout UCSC. We recognize that students have been working around Ethnic Studies for multiple decades and at many levels of the university. We claim no ownership over any movement or material that is produced. We ask that any materiel used from the blog is cited and used for only educational purposes. Most importantly that it is done with honor and respect for the many people who worked in the struggle for Ethnic Studies. We would also like to point out that the name Critical Race and Ethnic Studies (CRES) was created to acknowledge the intellectual development of Ethnic Studies since the beginning of this struggle. The name came from countless meetings and hours with many different undergrads, graduate students, and faculty.
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